pretty vacant: staying young, living fast, and being rockstar

11.16.2007

new movie, new party, same thing really

hello loves.
sorry i forgot to mention i was going to italy alex, but you're going to cuba so we're even. i'm so jealous. i'm living vicariously through you and taking a latin american relovutions class to make up for it.
sorry to tell you this guys, but it's no longer summer. actually. it is bone-chilling-ly freezing in florence, but that means that i get to wear my bright red coat. it also means this website is in dire need of a makeover, which i might be bored enough to manage, even though blogger.com is currently appearing to me solely in italiano. ma non importa. va bene.
just wanted to make sure you know the news. a's brain ( aka my brain) has a brand new film idea which involves more good fun clubby young music, more pretty people dressing in pretty clothes, and more parties (i meanparty "scenes" in need of "extras"). this one is called

the portrait of the artist as a young Dorian(ne) Gray

a modern-day, girl-version of dorian gray.

what if dorian gray was a pretty 20 yr old nyc blond named doriAnne? what if basil hallward was izzy, a edgy young girl photographer? what if lord henry was HarleyQuinn, a flighty, philosophy spouting manhattan socialite? what if Dorianne fell in love with a young male Sybil called Sid? what if she didnt? what if Dorianne gets swept up in the grimy club scene? does her stunning portrait still reflect her real self?
or does it reveal so much more?

if you wanna know...
join me in this project!
ha. bet you thought i was gonna tell you what happened.

hugs and kisses and champagne,
~a

download song of the moment:
pornography by katy rose
(who's doing music for my film, yo)

10.23.2007

Virgin Post

This is my cherry poppin first blog post y'all. I just want to let the world know that I am a struggling/starving artist now with big dreams and a big penis which pretty much goes hand in hand (haha) in the entertainment industry. No joke...

So what have I been up to huh?

Well I've been auditioning for a lead role in MILK, starring Sean Penn and Matt Damon to be directed by Gus Van Sant. Auditioning is easy and fun. There is zero pressure because I know I will not get the part. I am not famous...yet. Also I am without an agent and a manager and union representation (for the time being) which means I have to wait forever to even sit down to audition. But because my ambition is sewn into my birthday suit, I sit for hours anyway and humour myself that I might win the "Role of a Lifetime". Please Jesus!

Other than that I hired and fired myself from three jobs now. Minimum wage labor is a bore. People without professional goals are a bore. People who only want to have children to find fulfillment in their life really bore me. So I quit. I quit I quit I quit. Hah!

Instead I am writing a novel and sitting pretty in the library while big gay men hit on me near Bryant Park. But because that won't get me anywhere I am trying this networking thing and going to entertainment industry parties. I met Ann Coulter at the Soho House. Go figure. I said I was her biggest fan.

I met with an entertainment lawyer. The topic of our meeting was supposed to be FINDING AN AGENT but instead it was about how he thought I was cute, but preferred black men. And me being 19 and him being 40 something is a problem. I agreed. I'm pretty sure he was drunk. Boring!

Then I met with a director who cast me in his next indie film. It has a budget of a 1,000,000 dollars. More zeroes than most humans can comprehend. But then he started making these snake like tongue flicks at me during one of these entertainment parties--at which it became apparent he wasn't dreaming the same things I was (if you know what I mean). Not sure what to do with him.

Well that's a wrap! See you on the silver screen soon!

-Jam!

10.13.2007

wtf...?

What the fuck is up with everyone all of a sudden leaving and not telling anyone???

Like why is is that I JUST FOUND OUT that Andrea is in Dublin? And ADRIANA didn't tell me she was going to Italy until she was like, already there...

*sigh*

I miss you guys.

7.09.2007

consumerism, the media and youth


i've been reading a lot about consumerism lately, especially advertising aimed at children, and i'm repulsed. i'm not raising my kids in america. kids are exposed to 38 (out of 168) hours a week to advertisements. that's sickening to me. i remember buying into it, wanting this Barbie and that toy. i'm so glad i've escaped. i can't handle watching tv anymore because all the annoying commercials distract me. i've been watching tv shows on dvd. it's got me thinking about making movies in such a world...

as you all know, and i'm sure have at one time or another poked fun at, i'm interested in youth culture and the media. i'm not really sure how this happened.

in high school i was really into literature and biology and then theory of knowledge class came about, and first i learned about logic and then formulating scientific methods and then the structure of the systems of math, and then... culture and anthropolgy and social sciences. and finally, that all these things are more similar than different.

then i went and studied film.

and i guess something clicked between the two, and i realized how powerful of a tool film and photography and writing are, and how we can learn about our culture by reading our favorite films and our favorite books and looking at the pretty pictures in the magazine.

and i realized all the lies that these stories tell us about us. and especially aboout kids and teenagers. a vicious circle it is: grown-ups leave their childhood and teen years behind, distance themselves from kids, and forget what it's really like. and then they go off and make movies, and write books about and for kids, and they get it all wrong, they shove a few steretypes of kids.

and kids see it, and they think that that's what they SHOULD be. they should be the jock or the nerd or the artsy kid, and they attempt and become the stereotypes. and then the adults write about the stereotypical kids they've created and how awful stereotypes are.

and that's why i want to make movies.
not to be godard or fellini or spielberg.

i want to show kids and teenagers who they really are. i want to get THEM to tell the world who they really are. i want them to know that they're just like everyone else, like all the grown-ups.

grown-ups lie. they seem like they know what they're doing, or what they want, but they don't. no one ever knows what they're doing, or if it will be ok, in the end.i want to put real people up on those coveted screens, in those shiny photos, so that maybe they can see themselves and think, 'hey, that looks just like me.' and instead of trying to become something, become glam or stylish or rich or artistic, they'll want to become someone, who does something. maybe they'll see the fact that the punk girl's hair and the preppy girl's hair are the same color, but just worn in different ways.

maybe instead of buying a lipstick to impress the boy they'll buy the boy their favorite book, or talk to him. and maybe the boy will talk to the girl, and not the person who's trying to seduce him or impress him or attract him. just maybe...

sidenote: i'm writing a screenplay about two girls that i plan to make after i finish film school. it's going really well so far. oh and i'm going crazy looking at googleearth images of where i'll be going to school next semester in florence. and i leave for europe july 18th.

must download song of the moment:

icky thump by the white stripes

6.30.2007

Linguistic Liberation, Part Two

What I have to say is about the things that can’t be said. Deep inside, it’s the same thing everyone is looking for, be it through science, art, religion or something else. We’re all trying to find a way to express that part of human consciousness that can’t be said—sure, it can be done, but it can’t be talked about without grasping vainly at straws. But when we as beings are able to say those things that evade words, then we will have evolved.
I had a conversation recently, with an old friend, wherein I described my passion for linguistics. I was gesturing wildly, trying to demonstrate the scope of what is generally seen as a nit-picking and unbalanced field in the search to quantify existence. “What I think is really exciting,” I said, “besides the actual mechanics of the field, is that when you study language production and distribution, you spend just as much time studying what people choose NOT to say, as you do studying what they eventually do say.
“There’s phonetics, phonology, morphology, syntax and semantics, the main branches of linguistics, but there’s something else, too. Another field that overlaps linguistics, anthropology and sociology, but that won’t be claimed totally by any of them—that’s pragmatics.
“Pragmatics looks at the intentions, the goals, and the millions of subjective factors that influence the way people choose to communicate their ideas to one another. No one will claim it because there’s too much information. It’s like a chaos theory for language—everything affects everything else, infinitely. But that’s what makes it so exciting, the impossibility of it!” By this point I had my coffee in hand, swinging it around dangerously as I spoke. “Pragmatics is how the things that can’t be said come through in the things we do say.”
“That’s exactly what theatre is doing. That’s what I look for when I read a script, not what it says, but what it leaves unsaid, and why.” My companion spoke calmly, almost awestruck. It was that moment that it first occurred to me that maybe everything led to this. We’re all just pointing, by whatever means possible to that bigger, far subtler thing that defies and defines us.

party like a rockstar

dudes, come on. this blog is supposed to be us keepin in touch. i wanna know what all u nyc-ers are doin'! and u too mr.cali and miss vancouver! pictures, pictures pictures. yes?
so now i'm totally stealing some pictures from various ppl's albums. if u mind lemme know, ill take em off.
i met soem pretty cool people in chicago this week. kinda hipster-y. next time i hang with them i'll bring my polaroid cam so you can see em. they had a music jam session at this place called the foxhole, and it was trippy... lotsa cigs, joints, beer, chill people, amazing music. i played the tambourine. i'm learnin' to DJ soon, so watch out.



and those are all my pairs of new shoes. i've been getting a pair a day for the past week.

and then here's some pics from the party that started it all and from my film:
(courtesy of tristian)

















must download song of the moment:
5:55
by Charlotte Gainsbourg

6.20.2007

sunrises, movie sets, internet and celebrities, and notches on the bedpost

so i lied. to preface this, i may have slightly lied about what this blog was gonna be. the first entry may have made us seem purdy and shallow, and the header may say we're vacant, but vacant or not, i guess the lot of us has quite a bit of rants and opinions buried in there, aside from partying hard.

last week i had a fondue party in my backyard. since everyone was working, we didn't really get together til about 10:30, and the party didn't really end until 10 am. at about 4 am, after much dipping and huge amounts of food later, most people went home, but matt, abby and i talked in my hammock and at about 5:45 decided to go to the beach and watch the sun rise over the lake. it was gorgeous. then we had some breakfast at clarke's and watched little kids playing on the playground before going to school, feeling like creepy pervs that sit around on the playground watching kids (but we were there first!) it was an interesting sort of nite. i've always wanted to watch the sunrise. i love doing things i've wanted to do. especially when they just happen, unplanned. sarah and i had a long, semi-tipsy conversation about this after one of our parties this year... what makes people happy (or at least us) isn't doing extraordinary or exciting or glamorous things, it's doing the things that you've always wanted to do. or doing the things you've always secretly wanted or dreamed of doing and didn't think you would get away with, or want on a permanent basis.

lately i've done a couple of things that my heart hasn't really been into a 150%, and i've realized, it's not really worth it unless you want it so bad it hurts. getting something you want may not always be the greatest thing for you, but you always feel good about it, you always learn something about yourself. doing things you semi-want makes you (ok, me) feel guilty and confused.

i've been thinking about this person back in manhattan, and the sort of strange series of events we've kinda been through, and bad timing and all this stuff, and i didn't think it was really worth my time to try before. but i realized, thinking back on it, maybe it is. i realized a lot of ecounters i've had are pretty unusual, and i've been pretty lucky after all. and when i come back to new york after florence, i think i'm gonna call this person up before i do anything else, and get together and try to start from the beginning and get to know him. if all else fails, i get some insight into another human being, right?



now on to topics other than my personal life...

lately, having little to do other than read (check out paranoid park by blake nelson) and listen to harry potter audiobooks on my iPod and buy new albums, i've been surfing the net, looking at my favorite popstars. i remember back in the day (like, 8th grade) when i used to be obsessed with certain celebrities, and i'd try to find interviews with them on the internet, it was so difficult. there was hardly any material out there. a few fansites, that was about it. now, there's heaps of scans of magazines, youtube videos from the record companies, and the artists themselves. there's myspace, where you can send them messages which they actually read, blogs where they actually write (not just their tourdates but actual day-to-day crap going on in their lives too).


celebrity seems to be becoming... less shrouded, much more accessible. the exchange of information, not facts, but images, videos, songs is so much easier and FUN. i can go on myspace and listen to a band's songs before i decide to buy their album. i can read about what the press says about them in magazines and i can read about what they say about the press on their blog, and i can make my own version of the events. hopefully, society will use this new access to celebrities to realize that they're just like them. their lives aren't always glam and mysterious. just hectic and fake, a lot of the time.

check it out yourself, if you don't believe me:

www.myspace.com/katyrose - katy rose is about 20 and has one album out and did music for the film thirteen. her second album is coming out soon. she actually answered a message i sent her. on the site you can see her pictures of her and her friends and family hanging out, listen to her songs, and watch videos she posts and read her blog.

katy's room




she takes pictures in the mirror (this is myspace after all, lol)

www.myspace.com/lilyallen- lily allen is also like 21-ish, she's british and gets tipsy and wears pretty dresses and sneakers and doesn't take herself too seriously. like her songs show, she has a great sense of humor and is just fun. on the site you can listen to practically half her album and see private pictures of her and watch some videos she puts up and read her blog, where she talks about being insecure and feeling fat, among other things, like a lot of girls our age.

just like us... she drinks (on the streets of nyc)..........................she sleeps


she cries and probably takes pictures on a macbook



http://www.charlottechurch.com/ - charlotte has been one of my favorite singers since i was like 13 or 14, maybe even younger. she used to sing a lot of classical music, but then made the transition to pop (which is uh.... interesting) and apparently she had a tv show in britain. (she's welsh and has an adorable accent and says "lush" a lot). there are youtube video clips of her show (tons of them, not just two or three) and her blog, including a video blog. you can watch her cooking food for her boyfriend and talking about her dogs and her pregnancy.




hopefully with this media revolution people will realize it's not really about image, and all the pretty photoshopped pictures in magazines. that celebrities (and human beings) are more than just a frozen moment or a quote or a pretty face. after all, more important than their fame is the things they do and they've done. the songs they sing or the movies they're in, not what they do on friday nights is what's really important.
right?



oh and ps, while you're at it, let me do some shameless self-promotion and tell you to watch a film i made about some pretty kick as rockstars/celebrities. see if you can pick them out!

6.15.2007

Linguistic Liberation, Part One

FYI: this is an older piece of writing I am reposting here, to be followed up with a few of my more recent musing on the role of language in contemporary culture.
----
So I was in Forever 21 with Adriana today, only the second time I have ever been in such a store. I enjoy trying on the clothes, just to make sure I shouldn't shift my whole fashion-paradigm because I look really damn good in what's in right now (I don't). This was at the Union Square store, by the Whole Foods. It's a two story deal, and the entire western wall on the first and part of the second floors are painted orange with white lettering.

The subject of said lettering is the "right" and "wrong" way to pronounce, spell or otherwise maim some commonly misused/spelled etc., words and phrases in modern English. Examples include, "jewlery - jewelry," "carpool tunnel syndrome - carpal tunnel syndrome," "idn't - isn't" and "irregardless - regardless." This whole montage is titled, in larger letters, "Don't Say - Say"

Being a enthusiastic Linguistics person, I am all for saying things in a comprehensible way that predictably follows the grammar of a given language. However, I am also aware of the unavoidable and largely positive amounts of language change constantly occurring with any spoken vernacular language. I have noticed lately that there seems to be a backlash against this kind of language evolution, first from the older generation that cannot understand our pwnage or our l0lzors, but increasingly from the hipster-ironic pop culture scene, attacking idioms and phrases that are technically not a part of formal English, but have been in common use for several generations, making them a linguistically valid part of a vernacular grammar of English.

I could easily blame the self-destructive nature of the hipster, who becomes increasingly less hip as he/she embraces his/her hipsterdom, I could blame the fuddy-duddies at the top of the corporate ladders who are attempting to simplify our language enough that the president might seem poetic by the time he leaves office, or I could blame the MAN, always trying to oppress the beauty and expression of the masses by telling us we don't know shit about speaking good.

Wherever the blame lies, I find the whole idea terribly hegemonic (but maybe I've been in college too long). I am by no means saying that we all just ought to make up thousands of new words every day because we can, and because our personal expression is so limited by the languages we already speak, but I am saying that as long as persons allow themselves to believe that the way they speak is improper, inappropriate and incapable of being considered a 'real' language, then any attempts at larger human rights issues will prove fruitless, because the people who lack rights the most, also lack the right (ability) to speak about it in a public forum.

It's true that, realistically, some group will always look down on some other group because of the way they speak. However, it truly becomes a human rights problem when the subordinated group allows this discrimination to happen, and begins to believe that, in fact, they do speak a lesser language/dialect, and act according to this (false) assumption.

That's what upset me so much about the wall in Forever 21-- a hub of popular youth culture (admittedly controlled by some outside force) is promoting a hegemonic view of language use, and presenting it in such a way that young people, who are in fact the diminished party, are encouraged to become participants in their own linguistic stagnation.

I may be taking it a little too far, but in the realm of human rights, the overwhelming power of language often gets glossed over or ignored

5.30.2007

brk-in-nyc

new york city is surprisingly dull when you're broke. I mean, i'm sure there are a lot of free things to do, but even then, you still spend all your time being miserable and moping about because you wish you had more money to spend. God... I can't even remember when I last bought myself some new clothes, or treated myself to a really good effin dinner, or splurged on a cab ride when i didnt feel like walking.

of course things havent been a complete mess without cash. I went to the beach with Connie and Pammy and that was pretty chillaxing, and all i really had to pay for was the train fare. But then of course, I got hungry and completely surrendered my spare change to the overpriced goodies at Coney Island (except that funnel cake was pretty shitty and not worth the $5 we paid for it). I still go to restaurants... I just usually end up getting water and watching everyone else eat, or mooching off of a really kind and caring friend. I've filled my days with work and computer/internet junk and trying to rack my brain for ideas for a script for the film i'm making in the fall-- so i try not to think about how poor i am.

except i went to this byob affair this past saturday nite and i got really upset because the only thing i could afford to buy was a coors light 40 ouncer, which, as large and beer-filled as it is, got me to a substantial level of tipsy but then completely wore off haf an hous later. I wanted to get piss-fucking drunk, but i'll have to wait til i'm richer in the pockets.

And it's not even like i don't work or anything... I put in 34 hours a week at Todman, and i could even be workin at Kim's and puttin in a few more hours there, or following in my cousin's footsteps and pursue my inevitable career in male erotic dancing (but then i decided that no matter how much the pay, im not lettin some grubby old gay man touch me up just so he can get off). *sigh* I'm doin all this work for the sake of funding my film in the fall-- the film that I don't even have a clue what it's about yet!!!

so, anyways, im in new york city. its really hot. im really broke. and on top of it all, im breaking out all over my face.

fuck.

5.20.2007

Orientalism

Orientalism:
- something considered characteristic of the peoples and cultues of west, east, or Central Asia

For the last five summers, I do little "supernumerary" jobs at the American Ballet theatre. This means that if you see Giselle, Swan Lake, or any of the other summer ballet productions, chances are that the little spearman or litter-carrier is me. Right now, I'm a Tiger-man in La Bayadere. La Bayadere is the story of a beautiful temple maiden who falls in love with a handsome prince, but their love is doomed by a jealous priest. It is set in a wonderfully theatrical version of Ancient India, complete with dancing golden idols, poisonous snakes, monks, and rajahs. In any case, in the begining of the ballet, the prince shows off a tiger he has just killed, and it is carried by four guys. I'm one of those guys. The hours are long, the pay is not enough, but you get the great experience of watching all these ballets from the wings. So I'm not going to complain...that much. My only problem is the amount of time I spend sitting (or standing) around in costume. I get pretty bored, so I try to brush up on my reading.

The New Yorker is always a good read. I found an article about the 1920s fashion designer Paul Poiret and his new exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Apparently, he is the guy who managed to get the corset out of fashion, and introduced the first 'couture trousers'. Many of his clothes were inspired by "the hyper-refinement of an imaginary Orient." [The article also describes an amazing party: "Three hundred guests consumed nine hundred litres of champagne, while parrots and monkeys screeched in the shrubbery, and semi-nude black houris and jinns circulated with platters of exotic delicacies."] Poiret began to decline the same time Chanel (who is a real person I discovered) started to rise. “For whom, Madame, do you mourn?” Poiret is said to have asked Chanel, alluding to her favorite color. “For you, Monsieur,” she replied." Wicked burn Chanel.

After that I was pretty much stuck sitting in the dressing room, bored out of my mind again. I headed over to Barnes & Nobles to pass the time, hoping to perhaps find a new Star Wars book. Instead, I browsed through the graphic novels, and found "The Sandman Papers." Now, just in case you don't know, The Sandman is an amazing comic book series by Neil Gaiman, which completely revolutionized the comic business by injecting some fresh blood into the regular superheroes by the way of British gothic literature. [The Sandman is the anthropomorphic manifestation of dreams, and he wanders the human world being super cool, super powerful, and super emo. "A Midsummer's Night Dream," one of the chapters of the series, is the only comic ever to win a World Fantasy Award for short fiction. ] "The Sandman Papers" is a collection of papers that various people have written about the comic series for their discussions at their little english-major meetings. One of the papers is about the story "Ramadan" from the comic. "Ramadan" is about the king of an imaginary Bagdhah who summons Dream (the sandman) to preserve his city, in all it's glorious golden flying-carpet sexy-men-and-ladies splendor. The author discussed how this story dealt with Orientalism. He defined the Orient (east) as the complete opposite of the Occident (east). He said that Orientalism was how all Europeans (like Marco Polo) defined the West, when it was not completely explored or understood. So the more we learned about Asia, China, and India, the more the mystical worlds of La Bayadere and the Other Baghdad (as Gaiman describes it) disappeared. It's really too bad.

I think that Adriana and I are experiencing a little bit of what the old Europeans experienced when the encountered the West. I mean really, how much do we know about the Factory, or rockstars, or partying in the 70s? I have tried my best to brush up on Andy Warhol: I watched Factory Girl, Basquiat, and the 4-hour PBS documentary. I read one of his books. I read his Wikipedia article. I run around in my wig and glasses but I still know that I'm not really capable of impersonating him truthfully. And people accuse me of participating in a fad, but you cannot deny the fact that his art was completely revolutionary in his time, and that his presence still resonates in today's culture. (I have no doubt that if he were alive now, he'd be running around with Paris Hilton). I think that we should just enjoy our fascination in this mysterious world, and try not to shoot down the flying carpets. Thank you for reading this possibly incoherent rant.